Every now and then living in the Midwest annoys me, and it isn’t because of all the snow that we have been getting. (Though that freezing rain did take a long time to scrape off the driveway.)
No, it is because of the assumption that no one knows anything about wine. Of course, there is good basis for this belief because — in fact — few people do know a lot about wine up here in central Minnesota. Statistically, we are insignificant so it is only rational that we often get ignored.
Then I read a short article in Food & Wine from the January issue that made me rethink wine education. Maybe the problem is that so many wine lovers and sales people are just incapable of educating and inspiring non-wine lovers. The F&W article takes you through a series of four diagnostic questions to find out your wine preference. All of the questions are rather silly. They are essentially, a polished-up form of the same hackneyed wine store logic where a salesperson simply tries to find out if you like white or red or dry or sweet.
Just consider these questions:
(1) Which do you drink? Whole milk or skim milk?
Seriously? This is an absurd question. Do people really really have strong milk preferences outside of calorie and fat considerations? I’ve drunk 2% my whole life and that generally has nothing to do with my taste preferences but that fact I was brought up on it.
Anyhow, F&W maintains that if you like whole milk you will tend to go for rich, full-bodied Chardonnay or similar style wines. And if you like skim? Well then, you might like lighter-style wines such as Chablis.
Next question.
(2) Which juice do you prefer? Grapefruit or orange?
Ok, I know where they are going with this as some people don’t like tart wines, but is your juice preference the best way to flesh this out? I don’t think I have ever met a person claiming to love grapefruit juice.
The article maintains that if you prefer grapefruit then you like wines such as Sauvignon Blanc and Riesling, and orange juice lovers will prefer Chardonnay or Viognier.
I wish it were that simple, but it isn’t. I don’t like grapefruit juice, but I do really like Sauvignon Blanc and dry Riesling. Chardonnay tends to be one of my least favorite wines these days, but I like orange juice.
Third question.
(3) Which would you rather have on a steak? Cracked black pepper or béarnaise sauce?
If you like black pepper, F&W says you will like Syrah and other Rhone varieties, and if you prefer béarnaise sauce you might like a smooth California Merlot.
This question defies all logic. If you need help figuring out your wine preference through these questions, then most likely you won’t know what ‘other Rhone varieties’ are or what béarnaise sauce is. There is also a good chance that if you know your French sauces such as béarnaise and have a strong preference over cracked pepper, then you also won’t need this wine preference tutorial.
Last question.
(4) Which sounds more appealing? Black truffles or blackberries?
The wisdom here goes that if you like funky, earthy flavors such as truffles (not the candy) then you will prefer Pinot Noir, and if you like blackberries you tend to like Australian Shiraz and California Zinfandel.
At least the other questions had some common thread: milk, citrus, and pepper but this one has no common thread. It’s almost as if I asked you: Which do you want to eat? A steak with a nice sauce made of forest mushrooms or a freshly picked sun-ripened strawberry? It is extremely possible that you like both, eat both, and prefer them at different times during the year.
I could go on an on taking shots at these simple and misleading questions and how they really don’t help you figure out your taste, but this brings me back to the idea of wine in the Midwest. I guess it really isn’t about the Midwest per se, but a challenge of wine lovers trying to interact with and inform those who don’t drink wine so frequently.
The Food & Wine article is just a case in point. The person who wrote that short tutorial probably knows wine quite well, but advising wine in that way once again boils down to simple formulas. In the end it really isn’t that different than if you ask about Cabernet versus Merlot, dry over sweet, or white versus red.
I like almost all wines at least some of the time. I don’t usually prefer sweet wines, but I have had some great Vin Santo, Sauternes, and Tokay. Fruit-bomb Australian wines are not my go-to style these days, but I loved them when I first started drinking wine and will still drink them if I am serving something that a fruity red would compliment.
But most of all, regardless of what wines I am presently ‘into’, I will almost always try an interesting or surprising wine just for the fun of it. Sometimes I buy a wine and cook a meal around it, and I often break wine-food pairing rules. I still love crisp whites and roses well into the dark winter months, and I even like chilling my reds in the summer. Sorry.
In the end I just want a salesperson to inspire me — at least somewhat. I want to enter a wine store and just once have a that person say: “Hey you — yeah you, Come here. Do you want to try something fabulous? This wine is just amazing.” Then the person educates you on how it is unique and tastes so great, and you go home inspired to cook a great meal or even entertain some friends and family.
The best thing is that inspiration works for all types of wine drinkers, as we all just want something fabulous. That bottle of wine should be fun and inspiring; a guest at the table. Wine lovers try a great variety of wine looking for something new; it is not about narrowing tastes and preferences.
So the next time you are in a wine store ask for them to suggest a grape you have never tried. Ask for something interesting or a wine that person found surprising. Just, please oh please don’t ever choose your wine based upon if you like whole or skim milk.
